Talking more might kill your deals
If you’ve ever walked into a networking event, pitch meeting, or client call with a tight knot in your stomach, you’re not alone. Even top-producing real estate professionals feel that familiar surge of nerves — especially those who didn’t grow up as natural extroverts.
But here's the hard truth nobody tells you:
You’re not nervous because of the situation — you’re nervous because of how you're responding to it.
That single idea can reframe how you think about sales, communication, and confidence.
In a recent conversation with bestselling author and communication expert Derek (known for books like How to Talk to Anybody), we explored the behavioral principles that separate forgettable agents from unforgettable ones. You can also check out the full video here: Watch on YouTube
Awareness Beats Eloquence
Most agents assume that sales success comes from knowing more facts, sounding confident, or having a polished pitch deck. Derek flips that idea on its head.
What actually drives sales? Awareness. Not just awareness of data, but awareness of the person you’re speaking to — their energy, their emotional drivers, their body language, and even your own internal state.
When awareness is low, most people fall into what Derek calls “product vomit”—an avalanche of stats and jargon that kills the deal before it starts. Sales isn’t about talking. It’s about listening, adjusting, and staying fully present.
Why Networking Feels So Awkward
You might say you’re nervous around new people. But you’re not nervous when you talk to friends or family, right? So what’s different?
It’s the internal monologue:
“What if I say the wrong thing?”
“What if I look dumb?”
“What if they don’t like me?”
That voice hijacks your attention and makes you self-conscious. The fix? Get out of your head and focus outward — on the person, the space, and the situation in front of you. Be genuinely curious. Ask good questions. Listen.
Want to be interesting? Be interested.
A Simple Conversation Framework
One of Derek’s most practical tools is a three-part structure that works in almost any context:
Question → Comment → Question.
For example:
“How long have you been in this area?”
“It’s great when you really get to know a place, isn’t it?”
“What do you enjoy most about being here?”
This keeps the spotlight on them, shows genuine interest, and prevents the all-too-common trap of turning the conversation into a monologue.
One caveat: avoid opening with “So… what do you do?” It feels transactional. Start with something more situational or human.
The Problem With “Why”
Open-ended questions are great — but “why” questions can backfire.
“Why did you choose this property?” can easily feel accusatory or critical.
Try instead:
“What was it about this property that stood out to you?”
You’ll get the same insight without triggering defensiveness.
Listening Is a Power Skill
Real listening is rare. Most people just wait for their turn to talk. But buyers and sellers feel the difference when someone’s truly paying attention.
Signal your listening through body language — head tilts, occasional nods, and verbal cues like “Right” or “Interesting.” Even echoing a few key words they just said proves you’re present.
These subtle behaviors build trust fast — even before you offer advice.
Confidence Is Physical First
Think about how you stand and move. Confidence shows in your body before your voice even kicks in.
Confident agents tend to stand tall, move deliberately, keep open posture, and maintain calm eye contact. Nervous agents shrink, cross their arms, fidget, or glance away.
If you don’t feel confident, change your body posture first. The mind will catch up. You’re giving your nervous system a physical signal to calm down.
Even something as small as a strong handshake — firm, vertical, with eye contact — influences how others assess you in seconds. And yes, it still matters.
Sales Is Emotional, Not Logical
Commercial real estate isn’t just about square footage or cap rates. It’s about identity, safety, family, control, and lifestyle. Your client is buying a feeling — not just a property.
Data is everywhere. What clients actually want is clarity.
Your job is to translate property features into personal benefits. Help them feel the decision is right, and then justify it with logic.
That’s why rapport beats a pitch deck. That’s why a story outperforms a stat. That’s why good listeners close more deals than great talkers.
Reframing the Game
One line from Derek’s book captures this shift perfectly:
“If you want someone to like you, show that you like them.”
Simple. Overlooked. But incredibly effective.
Instead of seeing the next meeting as stressful, view it as a chance to practice awareness, connection, and influence.
Final Thoughts
The best agents don’t win by being loud or flashy. They win by being present, curious, and emotionally aware.
Confidence, charisma, and clarity aren’t traits you’re born with. They’re muscles you train — one conversation at a time.
Want more tools like this for elevating your real estate communication and client experience? Subscribe to our newsletter or reach out via the contact page — we’re always sharing new ideas to sharpen your skills and grow your business.
